On Tuesday night, I took a little trip out to the new(ish) outlet center in Leeds. Shops of Grand River or some nonsense like that. I LOVE outlet centers. I think I love them so much because of the thrill of the hunt. To me, an outlet center is more thrilling than, say, a thrift store. Why? Because not everything at an outlet is a good price (I know the same thing can be said of a thrift store, but it's more prevalent at outlet centers). There is lots of stuff at outlet centers that is tragically overpriced. But if you'll just stick with it, you can find some great deals. My words of caution before going is to know how much things are supposed to cost.
Anyway, the whole place is kind of fancy. Waterfalls, stone walkways, etc. Tons of stores, and lots of "useful" ones. I hate it when I go to outlet centers and there are, like, 5 sunglasses stores. Really? Who buys $100 sunglasses at an outlet? Whatever. This one had good stores. Standouts include a good Rue 21, Rack Room (or something comparable...decent prices), Vanity Fair Outlet and a fabulous Book Warehouse. Usually, I hate bookstores at outlets. They're almost always "reject" books, for lack of a better term. I spent probably 45 minutes looking through this store. You're not going to find the top 10 in there, but I had actually heard of a lot of the books. Most books were priced in the $2.99-$5.99 range.
Now, one of my "goals" of this trip was to buy some new bras. Please don't leave just because you're uncomfortable with that...stick with me...it's not going to be all about bras. Went into the Hanes store...don't waste your time. Thought I was out of luck when at the very end of my journey, I spotted it: the Vanity Fair outlet. For those of you who remember, there was one in Boaz (which used to be the discount shopping mecca of the world). So I happily trot in and start looking.
I start sifting through the racks and racks full of bras, and I'm noticing that I'm having trouble finding anything in my size. Like, having trouble finding anything close to my size. I mean, I'd find one every now and then, but nothing of note. These were not "bargain bin" type setups where you now it's all the reject things. Everything was hanging very nicely on racks, ordered by size. The biggest size (if you were lucky enough to find it) would pretty much be a 36C or so.
And then, I found my size. Oh, I found them all right. The full figured bra section. Freaking full figured bras. Seriously.
Disclaimer: I understand that I am not teeny tiny. I understand that I need to lose some weight. I understand that I have big boobs for my size. I understand that I have the biggest ribcage in the world which makes me have to wear a bigger band size even when I'm not fat. I've got it.
However, buying a bra from this line...
Obviously, my first reaction was to crumble a little bit. I, like most dancers I'm pretty sure, have some body image issues and I recognize it. Holly and I have been working on it lately. I have a tendency to grab a size large when I'm out shopping. I'll try on Holly's clothes (which are all smalls or mediums) and they fit. I think I automatically pick up the larges because a) I know they'll "fit" and I won't have to go get a bigger size, which is somehow more depressing to me than just getting the bigger size to begin with, and b) let's be honest, that's how I see myself.
I got over myself pretty quickly and went ahead with my shopping. I pep talked myself (in the middle of the VF outlet in Leeds...it was a sad sad sight) and decided that a "38C" or "36D" is the same size whether or not they are in the "full figure" section. I went ahead with my purchases (I mean, 3 bras for under $20...I can't afford to get hung up on body issues when they are that cheap) and was on my merry way.
I was walking back to my car when I started thinking about why I crumble when I hear "full-figure" or "X-Large" and stuff like that. Every bit of my body image issues relate to how other people have projected it on me. When I was in college, I was tiny. Like, TINY. However, even when I'm tiny, I've got big boobs. I've got a wide ribcage. I've got huge thigh muscles. So, it always looks like I could lose some weight. I can still vividly tell you about being pulled into one of the dance professors offices and hearing:
"You have such pretty feet and legs...if only you could lose some weight..."
"You have such beautiful musicality...if only..."
"You have such good turn-out...if only..."
Which all translated in my mind to:
"You'd be such a successful person... if only..."
"You'd be so good at what you do... if only..."
"You'd be so pretty... if only..."
So, I made a stop on the way out of the outlet center. I went back to my little Book Warehouse and bought a book I'd been tempted to buy on the first trip. See, I'm around middle school and high school girls all the time, both at school/work and with MYCA. I have a unique relationship with them, in that, well, we talk about things. Things that I say, both about them and myself, will stick. And I've seen firsthand how much what other people say changes your own perception of yourself. Even though they're not my daughters (as the cover of the book suggests), I think it's still important for me (and all of you others out there who work with teenagers) to think about.
So, I'm the proud new owner of this:
you'd be so pretty if... teaching our daughters to love their bodies--even when we don't love our own
I'll let you know how it goes, and I'll be glad to pass it on to all you teacher-types...
...And I promise, the next blog will be a little lighter :).
Lighter? You think we need lighter? I want more. This is one of the best posts I've read anywhere. And Delta's just trying for a broader share of the market. She don't wear no D, honey.
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